Archive - 2001

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07/11: Wednesday, 11 July, 2001 02:31:16 PST

Category: boidland Posted by: Rhomboid Add comment

The little things sometimes make life worth living. My 'normal' job has been taken over by a large, steely, inhuman corporation bent on world domination through TCP/IP. I was asked, well really - ordered, this week to help prepare to spam the entire customer base. After the tears dried I set off to respond to my corporate penis wavers. If the executives in the company actually paid attention and read my emails I'd probably be in trouble. They're too busy polishing their $50,000 cars in the driveways of their multi-million dollar homes while screaming out their assholes about bottom lines and downturned revenue. I don't think they even break stride with the power buffing disc to crack the whip. I just feel like spreading the love, enjoy.


Do we have any numbers where we could compare the ones who left because they didn't know we offer DSL vs. the people that left over perceived 'abuse'? While rought with a lot of theory and gambling logic as well as a bit of apples and oranges similitude I understand the motivation you're trying to impart. I don't think you're really opening with a rhetorical question as much as a subtly flawed sarcastic grandiloquence.


The biggest worry I get from this overall attitude though is that while you 'expect' us to offer concrete solutions as "managers" you provide with your arguments no substance other than hunches, broad assumptions, and swaggering elocution such as: "hosting to an access customer is compelling, since presumably if we are providing good service, getting more revenue from existing customers should be easier than attracting revenue from new customers. At least this is the conventional wisdom" or gambler's slant, "My money is on these results: Most who receive it will never open it, followed closely by those who receive it and find it perfectly acceptable, followed in a distant third by those who don't want to ever talk to us again unless they call to cancel their service or complain about something we've done wrong."


Conventional Wisdom... hmm... let's go to the stats:


Conventional:


1 : formed by agreement or compact

2 a : according with, sanctioned by, or based on convention b : lacking originality or individuality.


I'm not sure if "conventional" wisdom applies here as, by the proper definition (Webster's), there would be discussion about even implementing such an issue (our newsletter in this case) with those involved rather than close-minded dictatorship, i.e. "Here's the bottom line. We are going to begin publishing a periodic newsletter company wide. That decision has been made"


I'll save my insidious parallelism to definition b for my big finish...


Moving on to "Wisdom":


1 a : accumulated philosophic or scientific learning : KNOWLEDGE b : ability to discern inner qualities and relationships : INSIGHT c : good sense : JUDGEMENT d : generally accepted belief.


I'm going to concentrate on definition 1a because I feel I can say beyond reproach that it is the most apropos to the matter at hand. Those of us on the "front line" as you say are those living with the accumulated philosophic and scientific learning hitherto. We're the captains walking the decks of your ships. We know the wind direction and speed, the rolling of the deck, the best trim to employ on our mainsail. You've put us in a position where we see the rolling swells on the horizon and the dark clouds but are told to steer into the fusillade of another few days of angry customers and abusive treatment with all the support, caring, and concern of a disdainful warthog. Bottom line, bottom line, bottom line... we ARE your bottom line. We make or break that bottom line every day yet are thoroughly beaten about the skull with it regularly when some executive gets an itch in his ass and decides it's the second coming of the advertising messiah.


I hardly think we've achived "Conventional Wisdom" here, I think we've really only enabled our marketing people to sidestep any sort of originality, creativity, or innovatory effort. Instead we've thrown up our hands and become common email spammers filling boxes with yet more perfunctory garbage which you yourself gamble that most won't even see. Excellent, Mr. Farragut -- full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes.


-Rhomboid

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